Teen Brain by David Gillespie

Author:David Gillespie
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781760786076
Publisher: Pan Macmillan Australia

If there are two or more parents involved in rule enforcement, make sure you’re on the same page. You must agree with all rules and consequences. If the child gets any sense you can be divided on this, they’ll work you mercilessly to create doubt (and a lesser, or no, punishment). If you disagree with the other parent/s, do so in private, never within earshot of the child. Consistency is critical for effective enforcement. My policy, when a juvenile request for permission is received, is to respond with the same line my father did: ‘What did your mother say?’ It can save a lot of upsetting discussions down the track.

‘Testosterone only understands one thing: brute force.’

With boys, wherever possible it’s good to have any punishment administered by an adult male they respect. The testosterone flooding their brain makes them fearless and completely lacking in impulse control. Testosterone doesn’t care about political correctness; it’s a bit of biology we share with all mammals and it determines male dominance hierarchies. Testosterone only understands one thing: brute force. Studies in apes tell us that adolescent males will obey their mothers while their mothers are bigger than them, but after that, an adult male is required for enforcement. And there’s nothing in the science to suggest human primates operate any differently. An adolescent male is hyped on testosterone and feels invincible. The only thing that will make him feel any different is someone who’s clearly stronger and more assertive than he is.

SCREEN TIME

Cherie and Michael separated when their son Connor was just three. Connor is now 12 and has been shuttling between his parents regularly for most of his life. Cherie and Michael were both relaxed about his screen time when all he did was use one of their computers to play Minecraft, but since he discovered action games, things have changed dramatically for the worse. Cherie initially bought the Xbox as a solution to the increasing problem of Connor sneaking off with her phone. She figured he’d have to use it on the household TV in the lounge room and that way she’d know exactly what he was doing and could set limits. To an extent that has worked, but it is getting harder and harder to enforce her rules about access and it isn’t helped by Michael having a significantly more lax approach when Connor is with him. Michael even used to play Call of Duty with him until Cherie found out and stated her objections to all the blood and gore. Connor switched to Fortnite and there is certainly less wet-work, but she thinks it is even more addictive. She finds that when she enforces bans – usually as a punishment – after two or three days his desire to play is much less intense but if he has time with his father when a ban is not enforced, he comes back impossible to deal with. Michael is not on the same page and will let him use it, even going so far as to buy him a new subscription when Cherie cancelled it.

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